I'm not sure what day it is today, to be honest I have completely lost track of time. I know it's day because the sun comes up and night because the moon comes out and on a terrible day like today I have absolutely no idea. It is as grey as can be and the ash is so thick I can't see two steps in front of me. I don't understand the ash and why it still lingers so long after, but I guess the earth is trying to tell those of us left that it's not finished reminding us of how much we stuffed up. I found refuge in a car by the side of the road to get away from the smoldering, suffocating air. I don't sleep in cars often which sounds pretty weird, I mean it seems like the most logical place to sleep in these circumstances- away from the cold and reasonably comfortable- but it's the most unsafe place to be at night. The rebels tear the cars apart on their scavenging escapades looking for anything they can take back to camp and if you get caught by one of them, then you would have wished you suffocated from the ash. They walk around like lost souls, I mean we are all lost souls now, but them...they're like nothing I have ever seen or read about. You know a rebel around here, the makeshift tattoo on their right hand they have cut and smothered in ink-it reads 'II'. My only guess is that represents the second life, the second established order, the new established order. Anyway I know they're not coming out tonight, the ash has kept them in camp and they would not risk a 'soldier' for some scrap heap car.
The car is owned by a family i know that much from the sticker on the back -'Water World', all ripped and tattered but still recognisable. I just sit there in the back middle seat staring out the front slightly keeping arms incase I am completely wrong about the rebels. The seats are quite comfortable. I find a box in there that has clearly been raided by 'them' and dumped when all they find are photos. I know for sure at that moment that they were not only a family but a big family, five children. The photos are dusty but beautiful. I know my world has changed at that very moment when at seventeen I cannot tie what I am seeing to my own life, a life only a year ago resembling this one much the same. I had pushed back my memories so far it physically hurt my head to bring them to the surface again. So I take one photo of the little girl-holding a flower- fold it and tuck it away in my jacket. I am not sure why but maybe one day in this terrible existence I might find the strength to surface my memories and this picture will be the gateway. I slip my hands in my pocket, rest my head back and for the first time in days I fall asleep.
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| IMAGE FROM MY JOURNAL |
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